my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
did i just pee glitter
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
