it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
