if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
