Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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