I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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