She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
