yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
