so that wasnt chicken after all
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
