I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
