O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
