Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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