i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
