I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
