she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
