pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
