I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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