just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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