I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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