Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
