I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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