pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
