I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
