I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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