So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
