The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Pooping to opera.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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