I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't shave. On purpose
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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