The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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