i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
