i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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