I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
