Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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