I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
