So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
