I faked an abortion last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
