on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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