He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
how drunk are you?
Several
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
