Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
