I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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