He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
