It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
