I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
