the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
