She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
