My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
