I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
