what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
