as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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