i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
