if you like me you must not know who I am
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
