she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
