that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
