ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
nutella sex= disaster
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
