sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
