i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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