dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
