You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
