am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
